Groom seeking groom: the case for gay arranged marriage in modern India ======================================================================= ![Groom seeking groom: the case for gay arranged marriage in modern India](https://vardags.com/images/pictures/_360/c42a40f2541a8d3cf389be1a6cd42299.jpeg)"Seeking 25-40, Well-Placed, Animal-Loving, Vegetarian GROOM… Caste no bar (Though IYER preferred)". The matrimonial ad, posted last year by Padma Iyer in Mumbai's Mid-Day, began like many others. In India, age, status and caste are frequent concerns for mothers who hope to find their children a good match. Arranged marriage is still common here (though certainly less so than among previous generations) but Iyer's ad was a first in that it aimed to set up a pair of grooms. As the mother of Indian gay rights campaigner Harish, Padma wanted to replicate heterosexual marriage searches as a comment on the role of marriage Indian culture. "What Padma did for Harish was revolutionary because it countered the alienness of LGBT lives in the public imagination with something very familiar: a mother's search for happiness for her son through an arranged marriage," [said](https://www.out.com/art-books/2016/2/17/gay-arranged-marriages-are-rise-india) Parmesh Shahani, the author of *Gay Bombay: Globalization, Love and (Be)Longing in Contemporary India.* While Iyer seemed to have found a way to unite the progressive with the traditional, many Indians are unwilling to accept the prospect of same-sex unions. Harish and his mother received thousands of negative responses after publishing the ad and, as [The Telegraph](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/11617182/Indias-first-gay-marriage-ad-Mumbai-mother-seeks-vegetarian-groom-for-my-son.html) reports, many newspapers refused to run it in the first place due to legal concerns. Homosexuality is illegal in India though it is increasingly accepted among the upper middle class in urban centres. Curiously, not all of those who opposed the article took issue with homosexuality. Many readers from abroad were all for arranged gay marriage, yet baulked at the ad's mention of a preferred caste, according to [Out Magazine](https://www.out.com/art-books/2016/2/17/gay-arranged-marriages-are-rise-india). This reaction prompts the question: would gay arranged marriage help homosexuality integrate into Indian society, or would it stifle progress by forcing a new type of partnership into an antiquated mould? Only time will tell. For now, at least, Harish has a few dates from his mother's turn at playing cupid. "Ayesha Vardag - Britain's top divorce lawyer." ![The Huffington Post](https://vardags.com/images/logo/huffpost.png) "Ayesha Vardag - Woman of the Year"![GG2](https://vardags.com/images/logo/gg2-3.png) "Leading, Magic Circle law firm."Mr Justice Coleridge "A handful of firms dominate the so-called 'glamour' end of the market ... Vardags"The Times "One of the best divorce lawyers in the country"Marie Claire "Ayesha Vardag - 'diva of divorce' for the world's super rich" ![BBC](https://vardags.com/images/logo/bbc.png) "Dr Stephen Bence is a financial genius."Lewis Marks KC "Ayesha Vardag - the Queen of divorce"Daily Mail "Vardags brilliantly argued my case to a resounding victory"Pauline Chai (client) "Britain's top divorce lawyer" ![The Telegraph](https://vardags.com/images/logo/telegraph.png) More Family Law news -------------------- [Fiction vs Family Law: Room and the parental rights of abusers](https://vardags.com/family-law/room-parental-rights-abusers "Fiction vs Family Law: Room and the parental rights of abusers") [Annulment for non-consummation](https://vardags.com/family-law/annulment-for-non-consummation "Annulment for non-consummation") [Groom seeking groom: the case for gay arranged marriage in modern India](https://vardags.com/family-law/gay-arranged-marriage-india "Groom seeking groom: the case for gay arranged marriage in modern India") [The case against leap day proposals](https://vardags.com/family-law/leap-day-proposals "The case against leap day proposals") [Marriage, divorce and millennials: the impact of feminism](https://vardags.com/family-law/marriage-feminism "Marriage, divorce and millennials: the impact of feminism")