Marriage, divorce and millennials: long distance marriages

Many things have changed since the baby boomers[1] were the age millennials are now (those between 28 and 43[2]). We’ve looked at how the rise of social media has affected marriage and divorce, as well as the impact of recent global economic downturns on when couples choose to marry. Both of these are indicators of a larger phenomenon, though, and that is the fact that the world, these days, is a much smaller place.

Forty years ago, we didn’t have the same transport infrastructure, with fewer and smaller roads, infrequent rail services, and, as annoying as they are, bus replacement services were not the sort of thing transport companies thought to put on. And that’s only within a country. Budget airlines have made overseas travel available to a greater number of people, and something that everyone can partake in more frequently. Inevitably, this has given long distance relationships a new way of functioning and thriving.

Conventional wisdom would have us believe that once a couple decides to marry, cohabitation is a given. However, for many couples, this isn’t the reality. A few years ago, Terri Pous, a woman in a long distance marriage herself, gathered the stories of over 300 couples who have, for various reasons, chosen to live apart. The most common reasons were education, familial or work commitments, military service and immigration issues, but any number of factors can result in a long-distance marriage. In fact, half of young single people are open to being in long-distance relationship – 20% more than singles in general.

More recently, Vrutika Shah shared in Vogue that being in a long-distance marriage is “actually pretty great”, shedding light on the positive points of long-distance relationships, something which is usually forgotten and overlooked. Amongst these points she talks about the capability of having a completely independent life from your partner and not merging into each other’s personality. To her (and many of you will agree with this), it seems a big problem that most of her friends cannot leave the house without their significant other. Another positive point is the exhilarating sensation you get when you finally get to see your other half – Vrutika describes with great fondness the game she and her husband play every time they are at the airport carpark trying to find each other, and that when she finally spots him, every cell in her body launches her towards him – a pretty magical sensation. Just imagine it like the opening and closing scenes at the arrivals gate from Love Actually.

This is the reality in the 21st century for many people across the world, including celebrities. Due to their work, many celebrity couples have to spend time apart, and many have opened up about their experience, sharing positives and negatives. When asked about the key to their 20+ year successful marriage, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick replied this has been “having lives that allow them to be away and come back together” … turns out long-distance isn’t as bad after all!

So, are long distance marriages more prone to divorce? Well, it would seem the jury is still out on that one. Many couples have proven to the world that not living together doesn’t mean that there is something ‘broken’ within a relationship, but that being long distance comes with different challenges than when you live together, and it’s how you work together to overcome those challenges that will ultimately answer that question. Indeed, divorces and separations spiked after the lockdowns due to covid – perhaps proving that living together intensely can make marriage more not less prone to breakdown.

It can be helpful to have the advice and guidance of a family law expert if you are considering marriage – especially where there may be significant assets abroad. Vardags has a dedicated team of highly-experienced family lawyers who are adept at providing tailor-made advice to meet your needs, as well as safeguarding and representing your interests in and out of court. We offer a free consultation with one of our experts, so please do get in touch with us to arrange a meeting.