IS “FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN” ENOUGH REASON TO STAY MARRIED?

According to current data, roughly half of all children in the UK will not live with both parents simultaneously by the time they are fourteen. While ‘staying together for the sake of the children’ was historically used as reason for staying in a troubled marriage, this begs the question of whether a child’s wellbeing is more affected by parents divorcing and living in separate homes, or by them staying in an unhappy marriage under one roof.

Effects on a child of divorce

A child’s age when their parents’ divorce has been shown to play a part in wellbeing issues. A 2019 study by University College London indicated that children between the ages of seven and fourteen are more likely to experience behavioural and emotional problems from their parents’ divorce. Indeed, it seems that teenagers are often the most negatively impacted – with many studies finding that teenagers with divorced parents are much more likely to require counselling over the course of a year than teenagers without divorced parents – even with the exponential rise in children and young people being diagnosed with a probable mental health conditioN. [1]

However, many studies have found that children of divorce have much more developed powers of resilience, as well as a more sophisticated understanding of the complexities of relationships.  They can be more intuitive and empathetic as a result; increasingly important life skills in the modern world.

Effects on a child of an unhealthy marriage

Children who witness an unhappy or volatile marriage between their parents can develop low self-esteem, anxiety and a number of other mental health issues. Therefore, it cannot be said that children are definitely ‘better off’ for their parents remaining in an unhealthy marriage. Indeed, a survey by Resolution – an organisation made up of family justice professionals – found that 82% of young people who had been through family break-ups actually preferred their parents to divorce rather than stay together.

Counselling and family therapy can help couples (and children) going through problems, as well as assist children experiencing difficulties at home. Relate, and other organisations offer counselling services for every type of relationship in the UK –can be a good first port of call before taking steps to end a marriage, as well as place children’s welfare higher up than may normally be the case when going through relationship difficulties.

The approach from the English Family Court

The English Family Court places children’s welfare at the top of their consideration when making decisions related to finances or child arrangements; there is also an emphasis on non-court based resolution of issues which may reduce the impact on both the children and parents of what is often a stressful and uncertain time. This may provide comfort for parents who are concerned about how a divorce will impact a child’s current and future life.

The Family Court will also endeavour to direct child arrangements that assist the child to maintain a stable and healthy relationship with both parents (provided there are no safeguarding issues), rather than prioritising a relationship with just one parent.

If you are a legal practitioner then it may be useful to listen to the two-part podcast from Resolution on Parenting After Parting here, or if you are a child of or parent going through divorce this podcast from The Divorce Podcast sheds light on divorce from the child’s perspective.

It is always helpful to have the advice and guidance of a family law expert if you are considering divorce or concerned about arrangements for your child on separation – Vardags has a dedicated team of experienced family lawyers who are adept at managing these issues, as well as exploring the best options for you and your family. [1] The 2023 Mental Health of Children and Young People in England report found that 20.3% of eight to sixteen year olds had a probable mental health condition, up from 16.67 % in 2022. The proportion of seventeen to nineteen year olds was 23.3% in 2023. https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/mental-health-of-children-and-young-people-in-england/2023-wave-4-follow-up